#i am just rotating the supervillains here

[theminecraftbee]

list of hermits i would consider to be supervillains:

doc. his whole aesthetic is "german mad scientist". he is the flavor of mad scientist who cackles about trying to take over the world but is very easily distracted by a cute cat and really just wants an excuse to use his doomsday devices.

tango. he is a cartoon character crossed with saw (so like... yami yugi by way of doofinshmirtz?). he wants to make death games and also would squeak if you hit him with an anvil.

grian. in his defense these days he's trying to be less of one, he just has a reputation.

cleo. in their defense these days they're trying to be more of one, and also grian took the blame for the civil war so REALLY they could be getting away with more around here,

scar. look he seems like the harmless huckster/scam artist but scar I REMEMBER YOUR SOCK PUPPET ALIEN. I REMEMBER YOU IMPLYING TO DOC'S FACE YOU FED THE NHO TO IT. WHAT THE FUCK,

cub. he's the mastermind. he's the quiet twist villain who isn't actually a twist at all. he just wants to see the world burn. he'll do this while going "haha, cool man :)". terrifying.

[eclipsecrowned]

stares at fandom discourse most of you are oblivious to. rotates towards you all.

my m0ash did not kick the baby.

i am not putting it up for debate. if he kicked a kid, it's lift in the next one. but he's not out here just punting toddlers to show he's a mustache twirling supervillain. it's not like he means to be evil in his own mind as i see him.

he still has some boundaries he will not cross. some semblance of self and choice despite his surface level apathy.

killing a man in front of his child? well, that needed doing, it's tragic the child is there, but it is not his fault. it was a complication in the plan. he couldn't put it off any longer. he's not sorry, but he does feel a little more rage towards a dead man that his son was there. kicking the child? no. it is not the child's fault, the child did not ask to be there. even for all his hatred towards the ruling class, kicking a literal child is taking it too far.

it doesn't absolve him, of course. his internal thought processes as i play him establish that. he blames the man he kills for the trauma incurred by that child, but not himself for actually being the agent of said trauma by stabbing a man in front the child. it's always someone else. they should have known better. not his fault.

[halfagone]

*serious sasuke pose* I. am at. my. limit. i can't stop daydreaming.

danny becoming a monster. not the one he swore to never become, but the kind he had always been running away from.

he becomes part of the giw. and. is close to destroying all of the infinite realms once and for all.

jack and maddie, who finally sees and accepts the truth, but too late, is saved by jazz and pushed into another dimension.

in order to survive, jack finds himself being hired to play an Uncle Eddie for a young boy. he agrees and finds out that the child is too smart for his own good.

the three figure out how to make their new fake identities as legitimate as possible. and since the child is so smart, they just decided to tell him what they were planning to do.

and because the child, tim, is just. so sweet, he helps them.

bruce is getting worried because tim seems to be becoming a bit... like a supervillain? a mad scientist? he updates the contingency files.

i dunno what to add in the middle, but the amount of blood to be spilled when Tim becomes a replacement (of course he isn't but he'll be called it) of not only Jason, but ALSO DANNY has me cackling with morbid glee.

jack and maddie just wants their son back. they manage to filter out the lazarus pit from jason, but when danny appears, there's not a single ectoplasm to battle against. danny was going against them fully human, never turning into a ghost, just to show them exactly how monstrous a human can be than their pre-conceived notions about ghosts.

he threatens to make their new son into a ghost, to rip him apart molecule by molecule for simply being a ghost, and tells them exactly how he's going to break his core.

just. it's all over the place, but basically i want redeemed jack and maddie and villain danny. tim is just there to be tortured bcuz i love him and this is the consequence of it >:3c

Oh how we love to torture the blorbos. I've said it before and I'll say it again, if you're the author's favorite, you're gonna pay for it! I am curious why Danny would have joined the GIW and the Fenton parents wouldn't, because often times the only reason why the Fentons change their mind about ghosts is because of Danny's halfa status.

Danny's motivations in here are interesting. It doesn't make sense in a logical standpoint. However, there are plenty of villains whose entire philosophy don't really make sense to begin with. This does remind me of Owlman from DC, who was so intent on destroying the multiverse because he just hated everything and everyone??? (I can't remember how it was explained, because he made this whole speech that was total BS so I wasn't inclined to pay attention.) Maybe Danny is this kind of villain too, just- DP style I guess. XD

There are plenty of ways to write a villain Danny, I think most people just tend to use Dan for that, understandably so. A lot of us love Danny as a hero or a good person, so it's kinda like- why make Danny a bad guy when Dan is right there. Maybe this would be a human Danny's Dan-origin. Who knows!

It is interesting how Tim is still considered a replacement in this too, albeit in a different way. This boy really cannot escape the allegations. LOL

While this AU might not be for me, go nuts with it! Keep gnawing on it like that beloved chew toy. Rotate it in your mind like a rotisserie chicken. It will simmer and cook and maybe one day you can write it too. ;3

[folliesandfolderols]

Writing prompts days 40, 41

From this prompt list. If you've read this far, I'm not sure you need any explanation, but the short version is I hadn't written any fiction since 2019, I set a goal to write at least 150 words/day in 2024, and this list was my way to restart. Also I abruptly decided on day 2 I would write an entire Tim/Damian story connecting all the prompts, because I am Good at Judging My Limits. /sarcasm Anyway, I finished the rough draft a while ago and am now unlocking the old entries as I edit.

Read from the beginning here, or on ao3 here

Days 38 and 39 here

***

3. “That’s sweet and all but do they touch you the way I touch you? Fuck you the way I fuck you? Mm, yeah, didn’t think so.”

92. "Let me show you how much I mean what I say."

113. "What did I just say?"

***

Tim headed to the Cave a little earlier than usual for his pre-patrol briefing. He'd checked the rotation earlier and noted to his disgust that Damian's "see you tomorrow" had been based in fact rather than a farewell. They both were slated to patrol in adjoining sections of the city, along with Stephanie, Cass, and Bruce. Overkill, considering the lack of current supervillain threat, but he'd take that over being understaffed.

He'd spent the day getting caught up on a couple of developing cases Bruce wanted him to take over, as well as using a data-collection program he'd written to record the movements of Damian, Jon, Karen, and Jaime globally. If Bruce asked, he would say he was training the facial recognition algorithm to be more sensitive to people who weren't white male humans. Of course, he was only going to pay attention to Damian's data and save the rest to be reviewed later for his stated purpose, but Bruce didn't have to know any of that.

The early results hadn't yielded much. Damian appeared to socialize only rarely outside of Gotham, despite his recent return from an out of town mission. There had been several instances of hanging out with Jon, a few meetings with Ravager, one with Red Arrow, and several with Flatline. So far, Tim hadn't seen any physical affection between any of them except with Jon, but then again he'd only had a chance to give the footage a cursory glance before he'd had to leave.

Maybe Damian had just been bluffing. Sure, he was gorgeous, but the superhero community as a whole had never shown much love for his personality. To be fair, that was an entirely mutual sentiment.

A full-body sensory flashback assailed him, the give of Damian's muscles as they loosened against him all at once, like the tension in them had been cut off with the flip of a switch. The edges of his teeth, nipping at Tim's lips till he got what he was silently demanding. The blunt pain of his fingertips clenching into the muscles in Tim's thighs.

No, he hadn't been bluffing. The way he'd pushed every button Tim had in ten seconds flat had been experience working.

Tim was going to strangle him.

Stephanie threw herself into his arms for a hug as soon as she saw him, Cass gave him a more restrained though no less heartfelt embrace, and even Bruce clapped him once on the shoulder while saying, "Good to have you back." All of which would have been a lot nicer if it hadn't been for Damian glowering in the background of each of the interactions, making no attempt to hide his narrow-eyed stare. Still, it was kind of gratifying, in the surprise sort of way, to know his absence had been noticed. He hadn't realized he missed them, too, until he saw their faces.

Patrol was more than the usual mess. Tim had been given the harbor as his section of the city, and had planned to see if he could find some connections with the trafficking case. It turned out someone was hawking knockoff Joker Venom through corner vendors, of all things, so he had to bust some heads together until someone gave up the relevant names, and that ate up most of his night. He got back later than the others and spent a long time entering his case notes, mostly so he could sneakily send more surveillance files on Damian to his remote computer in order to analyze them in privacy.

By the time he hit "submit," it was five in the morning and he was starting to feel the effects of jet lag (space lag?) despite the time difference. He rubbed the itchy bits of domino adhesive still stuck around his eyes and nose as he finally headed to the showers.

The sound of one of the showers running greeted him when he stepped into the room. He frowned. Who else would be up this late? It wasn't good regardless of who it was, actually.

A pile of black and brown clothing on the bench outside the four shower stalls caught his eye. This must be Damian's new costume, now that he'd adopted the Shrike moniker. Tim hadn't looked directly at him before, so hadn't really taken the details in. And their presence meant Damian was in here with him.

Tim sighed and briefly considered going back home to shower the way he usually did, but his costume was sticky with the remnants of the pseudo-venom and his skin itched, even though he knew it was psychosomatic. Fuck Damian, he didn't get to make Tim leave their shared spaces now any more than he had as a homicidal 10-year-old. Tim might not want a confrontation, but he wasn't going to let his lack of desire for one change his behavior.

Tim deactivated the booby traps that protected his costume's closures and pulled off everything but his leggings before turning on the faucet in the stall on the opposite end of Damian's. While he waited for hot water, he finished undressing and stood just outside the stall door.

"What are you doing?"

Tim refused to show in any way that he was surprised by Damian's voice, or by Damian having left his own shower stall while the water was still running. "What's it look like? I'm gross after patrol. I want to get clean. Why are you walking around dripping?" And naked?

Damian scowled. "I neglected to get my soap from my locker and didn't realize anyone else would be in here. Since you are, you can get it for me."

Tim hooted with laughter that was barely forced. "You're ridiculous. Get it yourself." The lack of impulse control brought on by tiredness and the desire to knock Damian off his high horse combined into a single devil that grabbed his tongue. "It's nothing I haven't seen before, though I think my memory might've been more generous about some things than you earned." He deliberately kept his gaze from dropping to Damian's cock, soft against his thigh. Better to leave some ambiguity.

Damian didn't react with fury, as he'd expected. He opened his mouth, closed it, looked down at the floor and shook his head once. When he spoke, his voice was quiet enough that Tim had to strain to hear it over the white noise in the room. "No one else has expressed the same level of disappointment as you. Perhaps your standards for this are as twisted as all the others you embrace."

Self-doubt writhed in Tim's belly, but he couldn't give an inch or Damian would take a mile and drag Tim behind him on the road. "Well, you are always saying my standards for my own performance are pathetically low, so I guess that could be true. Also, I don't recall expressing any disappointment, so unless you've added telepathy to your arsenal you're just making shit up now."

Damian crossed the room, leaving puddles behind him, and opened his locker to rummage around. The door hid his face. "I failed enough in my performance to force you to let me down easy, as I believe the saying goes, so the disappointment was implied, though obvious. In the time since, I have remedied what little I lacked through training, as I would have with any other skill. Of course, I do have a natural facility for everything I put my hand to, so I suppose it's no surprise that I am now as superior in my sexual prowess as I am in other areas."

A weird urge to scream swelled in the back of Tim's throat before he turned it into a strangled cough. He fought to keep an insouciant tone. "What, am I supposed to believe you went on a world tour of sexual masters while I was gone? Don't tell me Lady Shiva gives those kinds of lessons too."

Damian slammed his locker door shut again and stalked back to his shower, closing that door more gently. His voice drifted up along with the steam billowing from the gap at the top. "What you believe concerns me about as much as the weather in Antarctica. I have surpassed you in the sexual arena as I have in every other with the nominal help of my instructors. That is the knowledge you should take away from this conversation."

Tim forced his hands to unclench. When had they balled up into fists?

Just drop it, he lectured himself. Drop it and walk away. It's never going to be worth it so just leave it alone.

Some force propelled his feet to Damian's shower door. He wrenched it open again with a squeak of the hinges. Damian showed no sign of surprise, merely continuing to rub his sudsy washcloth across his chest while he glared at Tim. He opened his mouth, but before he could speak Tim said, "It's really cute how you think you can somehow prove your superiority when sexual experiences are subjective."

He stepped into the shower and closed the door behind him, giving Damian a shove to the chest that had him dropping the washcloth and snarling, "The others I've been with at least treat me with the respect I deserve—"

Tim spoke over him. "That's sweet and all." He grabbed the back of Damian's neck, fully expecting him to fling Tim's hand off without an instant's hesitation, but instead Damian froze. Tim stepped closer until one of his legs wedged between Damian's, their torsos brushed together, and the water poured over them both. Immediately his muscles eased, tension he hadn't noticed before draining at the contact. Damian kept watching him with that unwavering gaze, motionless. 

Still forcing himself to radiate confidence he one hundred percent did not feel, Tim cocked his head in mock inquiry. "But do they touch you like I do?"

He bit lightly at Damian's collarbone. Damian sucked in air between his teeth, and still didn't move an inch, even when Tim squeezed his hip too.

Tim slid his hand around to palm Damian's cock, rapidly growing harder against his touch. "Fuck you like I do?" he continued, conversational, like he wasn't silently screaming at himself what the fuck what the fuck what the ACTUAL fuck?!

Damian let his head fall back against the wet tile, lids dropping to half-mast when Tim wrapped his fingers around his erection. His hands hung loose at his sides, his shoulders down. Tim had no idea how to interpret what he was seeing, but he knew he should be grateful he hadn't been punched in the gut by now. He gave Damian a long moment to answer, but when no response was forthcoming, said, "Mm, yeah. Didn't think so."

Damian's cock felt fantastic in his grip. He didn't want to let it go, or back away, or do any of the things that would make rational sense. "And another thing," he added. "You need to stop telling yourself this bullshit narrative of you somehow being the victim of my super-high expectations. I told you I'm attracted to you and I told you I just assumed you were done with fucking me, so quit slandering me in that labyrinth you call a brain and get over yourself."

Damian licked his lips, still tracking his movements through slitted eyes. He said in a rough voice, "You should stop lying."

Tim tightened the grip he had on Damian's neck and shook him like an errant puppy. "What did I just say?" He dug his thumb into the thick muscle curving into one broad shoulder, and Damian shuddered and sighed, eyes finally sinking closed like he was drifting off on a massage table. Something about the sight made Tim's heart clench in his chest. He kissed Damian on the sternum without thinking, realized how stupid that was, and stood on tiptoe to nip one of his earlobes instead.

"Let me show you how much I mean what I say," he murmured into the same ear.

Damian's knees buckled against his for half a second before he caught himself, still leaning against the wall. He nodded, keeping his eyes shut. And Tim smiled against his cheek.

days 42-47 here

[sparksnevadas]

Hello Sparks!!!! I just realized i forgot to do my usual 'post-chapter freak out in your inbox'.

I feel like it's a given to say it was incredible, but it absolutely was. The way you're able to pull off switches in tone so well is astonishing. I was screaming over every part of this chapter.

Mumbo's powers (which to be fair aren't a secret anymore, but a further view of them in action? !!!) and unsettling silly guy villain Keralis? The reveal that they bombed Doc's party and put themselves in peril because Bdubs can't be bothered to read letters and Scar doesn't check his email? Spectacular. The Mumbo Ough was great, and the reminder that everyone at the function knew Grian as Poultryman is so fun.

I know it's already been mentioned but,,, the parallels. I am going to tear my hair out. The way Scar allows both Mumbo and Grian to see him at his lowest and weakest, trusting Mumbo to shave his face and letting himself finally break down to Grian,, and how in-between them he's so unflinchingly vicious and coordinated? How he can go from his all powerful supervillain facade at Doc's party, pressing a knife to a potential ally's throat with steady hands and well rehearsed threats, to the Mayor's office which is so terribly unorganized and genuine that it hurts, letting himself slip in Grian's arms? Something about Scar's two sides and the persona of the villain he puts up to seem strong in order to continue being the mayor where he can actually help people and put his true intentions forward. Something. I don't know I'm too busy screaming because SCARIAN KISS!!!!!!! IT HAPPENED!! THE SLOW BURN SLOWBURNED (slowburnt?) AND WE'RE HERE!! I read it and had to stand up and walk around my room for a minute.

I'll try and make the last things I'm being insane about short so this ask isn't crazy long.

How as soon as Grian wakes up his first instinct was to jump in front of Scar and Mumbo, using his injured wings as a shield against the guys who had just absolutely pummeled him? God. (And how they cut holes in the jacket and put his wings through? Crying)

REN?? Gihasm rendoc crumbs? I'll die. On the spot. (Also, for the flower Doc was wearing, was it Keralis that gave it to him? Or Ren's favourite or something?)

Since both Keralis and Scar are mayors and Villains, I can't stop thinking about how funny it would be if X was also a villain, but just extremely terrible at it. He keeps getting caught and people can obviously see it's him but he just goes ''No, of course not! That was my twin! My uh, evil twin! Evil Xisuma!"

ALSO CUB CRUMBS! The first pseudo-dialouge from Cub in the story! I'm absolutely vibrating. I rotate gihasm Cub in my head frequently. I can't imagine him finally being broken out and told that his mostly inept brother has not one but two boyfriends and stole both of them from the hero association.

Also, is there anything that no one has mentioned or noticed you would want to (and can) share? I absolutely live for all the little details that you put in

Hi Scopop! No worries, youre under no obligation!

Aww youre really sweet! I worried a little that the scenes went too fast to feel connected or worth it, but i really wanted to explore all the new characters a bit. Glad it worked well!

I could say what his power is? If you want/if its unclear?

But yeah keralis’ power also took me off guard! I sorta knew i wanted one where he could shift/morph his body bc that could explain why hes a little uncanny (his big ol’ eyes) to look at. I started writing a villain using shadows and realized, hey! This has gotta be keralis! His power makes him a little off putting and undectable— more than once doc has been jumpscared by keralis sneaking into his office and reprimanding him for cursing or not sleeping enough.

And of course, the emails… i mentioned in another chapter that X had been trying to meet scar for a while + that scar doesnt meet with politicians. At that point i had already decided that keralis was going to be a mayor too, with him and etho subtly pushing doc to form an alliance with scar (etho bc he wants to help bdubs, except he didnt tell bdubs he was doing that)

Ough.

I love parallels i love symmetry i love making small details matter,,, i mentioned this in another ask but scar being vulnerable and trusting grian finally allows grian to see him as… well, as a human. When youve spent so much of your life deciding someone is bad bc of one side you see of them (reinforced by everyone around you), you realize who dont see that person for who they are. Sure, grian had caught glimpses of scar’s personality before, but now he’s living in that reality. And… he likes it. He likes scar, and the way he asks for help and protects his own wholeheartedly. He sees a whole person, who loves loudly. And he wants a little more of it directed at him.

… i need to move on, i could spend too much time psychoanalyzing grian in gihasm.

Anyways. Scars right though. Villains like a scene. Doc just wish it wouldve not stopped his party? He was introducing a new recruit to everyone!

The slowburn slowburned. Yknow, literally a few days ago i was wondering if gihasm deserved that tag bc its so clear to me/sveryone that theyre in love. But uh. I suppose ill keep it <3

I wanted the kiss to be absolutely unexpected and i wanted it to be sugar sweet. Im so so so glad people liked the surprise. Grian can love just as strongly as Scar if he lets himself. Thats our first direct hint of it. But like you point out, grian already loved scar before realizing it. Standing between doc and scar/mumbo with no armor on and a too-bug suit jacket? Only letting scar get close when he was losing consciousness? Yeah. Boys in love.

They ended up having to wash the stuff off of grians wings, hence the dampness. Mumbo and scar both have noticed grian’s own home remedy for making clothes fit and they went ahead and cut open to suit (probably with the same knife scar was threatening doc with, actually). Doc, btw, called a time out bc despite everything, he respects poultryman and doesnt want to burn (literally) that bridge yet (figuratively)

Rendoc crumbs :) the flower on docs suit was meant to represent that he has a lover— and then him touching it while talking about ren was supposed to connect those two dots.

Honestly that would be hilarious! Wish i had thought of it. But alas, i have a short backstory on x that im hoping i can put in somewhere. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Cub my beloved. I hc him as aromantic/asexual (or at least on the spectrum) and i imagine he gets out, sees scar with two boyfriends and goes “what.”

(To grian) “Werent you a hero?”

Grian shrugs.

“…Okay. Well anyways Scar-“ very nonchalant.

And yes!!! Thank you for asking if there were any other details. Ever since i got this ask ive been thinking of what to mention (also sorry for the delay, was VERY tired when i first got this)—

SO. The new recruit doc has is Iskall! Thats why the pronoun changes. Iskall is shown talking to Cleo (Osiris) at the very end as they’re leaving. Its his first time at a Doc party and hes so nervously excited! :D

Anyways thank you so much for the ask Scopop! Always a delight to see a long comment/ask (but of course dont feel pressured). Glad you liked the chapter <3

[moss-tombstone]

|Blurred mirror| part 2

warning: injuries, drugging

part 1 part 3

Supervillain's house was located on the outskirts of the city, with no one interrupting his work and no one blasting music at 3 AM.

Sunspot was now laying on the couch, fazing in and out of consciousness. Umbra took off his own costume, now putting on a dark turtleneck and a laboratory coat. After examining the young hero the man counted two fractured ribs, two cuts on his legs, and of course innumerable bruises, many around his neck. But the worst thing was whatever they used to drug the kid with, his irises barely responded to light, inside of his mouth and nose were irritated and bleeding.

The supervillain shoved a bit of active carbon down the teen's throat, hoping to detoxify him before looking for an antidote or speed up the process of fighting off the drug. With a lot of medical equipment in the house, he was able to find an unused IV to help Sunspot rehydrate before he woke up.

Supervillain's dog was very interested in the new guest, his master almost never had anyone over. And he smelled nice, felt warm.

"Kichiro, leave the kid alone," Umbra took his Shiba Inu from the injured kid, which was now asleep, taking as deep breaths, as his cracked ribs let him.

"What do I do with you now?" the man sat next to the couch, looking at Sunspot. He didn't find any documents or a phone in his jacket, only a bit of money and a shopping list. Supervillain's spiky ears were picking up a weak pulse and fractured ribs rubbing on each other.

The man sat on an armchair directly next to the couch, put his hands on the chest, and let his eyelids close. He might as well rest now until the kid wakes up. Kichiro will wake him up before Sunspot does anything.

____

At around 4 AM Kichiro carefully poked his owner with a wet nose. Sunspot was awake, looking around from the couch without making any sound. His heart was beating fast. Really fast. 'He must be panicking' Umbra slowly stood up and walked towards the kid.

"Hey, you're feeling okay?" he asked, only now the teen rotated his head towards the stranger, his eyes wide open.

"Where- Where am I?" his voice was quiet and harsh. He tried to stand up. Too quick. Muscles still weakened by the drug didn't keep up with his weight, refusing to wok.

Umbra quickly grabbed Sunspot before the teen could hit his head on the carpet.

"I found you on the street, someone attacked you and left there," the man lied, helping the wounded kid sit on the couch again.

"Why didn't you call an ambulance?" the hero asked, rubbing his head. Umbra cussed quietly, right, why didn't he?! When he helped young villains in the past, he took care of them, since they would get arrested after being treated. But this one here was a hero. "Uh, I must have panicked" again, lies. "I'll drive you there right n-"

"No" Sunspot grabbed the villain's arm, looking down "I- I mean my family doesn't have an insurance. When I'll be able to walk I'll go home without giving you any more problems" The supervillain just stood there, confused. This kid is a hero, even a part of a big group, shouldn't they provide him hospital care?

"Uh, don't worry about it. I can call your family to pick you up" Once again, the kid shook his head.

"No, they don't have time to drive me around, not with a whole house of other foster kids." his voice was quiet and... embarrassed? "I can go myself" the hero tried to stand up once again, this time stopped by Umbra's strong grab on his shoulder.

"Right now you're no way in a shape to walk. When you'll feel better I can drive you to your house. Now you need to rest," He pushed the teen to a laying position on the couch "I'll wake you up in a few hours" Sunspot nodded. The supervillain left the teen with Kichiro and went to make himself some coffee. Looks like he will have to treat the kid himself.

Tag list: @stuck-in-this-mortal-form 

[yourheartonfire]

You may be seen as a normal person, but your best friend is a superhero and your fiancé is a supervillain. Neither knows the other’s identity nor the fact that the MacGuffin they are fighting over has been under your bed the whole time.

Prompt courtesy of @writing-prompt-s

"I just don't understand what you see in him," said the Superhero. She slurped her champagne and glaring across the room. "I mean, I get you wanting to marry someone normal, but he's so... basic. In like, a grasping kind of way."

"I know you two don't mix," the protagonist allowed, squeezing in next to the Superhero behind the banquet hall screen. There wasn't much room - Superhero at 5 foot 11 in heels took up most of it - but the protagonist was used to fitting themselves around her. "But he's put a lot of work into himself when he had every reason not to. At any rate, I appreciate you playing... nice?"

To their alarm, their friend's perfect red lip was quivering, her eyes filling with tears. 

"I was so mean to you!" Superhero burst out. "About your dad's stupid missing power ring that wasn't even your fault! And you were so understanding and kind and now you're my best friend and I'm- I'm- I'm going to miss you so much!"

"Hey," the protagonist said in considerable alarm. They plucked the alcohol from Superhero's fingers, reached up to grab her by her shoulders. "I am not abandoning you. You deserve love and support, not just for what you do but for who you are, and nobody - not even my fiance - is going to stop me loving you. We've got Burger Mondays, a girls weekend per month, and one week a year to go hunt my dad's ring, anywhere in the world you want!"

Superhero sniffed, wiped at her eyes. "That's a nice thought, but-"

"Not a thought," the protagonist said. "A legally binding clause in my prenup."

"You..." Their friend stared. "I'm in your prenup?"

The protagonist shrugged. "You know I'm all about establishing clear expectations and boundaries- oomph!"

Superhero grabbed the protagonist in a bear hug that lifted them off the ground. Their ribs creaked. 

"I love you so much," she whispered. "We don't have to go looking for your dad's ring anymore, we can just go somewhere fun!"

"Course, you had the power within all along," the protagonist wheezed. "Listen, are you going to be okay tonight? Tomorrow's going to be a lot..."

"I know," Superhero put the protagonist down with a fond smile. "And an upset hero is a reckless hero. I'll be careful, sweetheart. [Supervillain]'s been weirdly quiet the last year,, and I haven't collateral damaged in months." Her eyes flicked up over protagonist's shoulder. "Though if he ever hurts you I can set something up..."

"You could sound a little less eager," the protagonist murmured back. And then the Supervillain was there, sliding his arm around the protagonist's waist and pressing a soft, lingering kiss to their neck.

"Darling," he purred, flicked his eyes over. "Darling's obnoxious friend."

"Ew. Get a room," Superhero said.

"Get a job."

"Get a life."

"Okay, that's two swipes apiece," said the protagonist, stepping between them. "Now I get 24 hours of peace, which hey, takes us through the wedding. And the toasts."

Almost in unison Superhero and Supervillain checked their watches, narrowed their eyes at each other. 

"I guess I'm off," said the Superhero with airy disregard. She leaned in to give the protagonist a peck on the cheek. "See you tomorrow at 10."

"And I'll see you now on the dance floor," the Supervillain said and pulled the protagonist out of the shadows and into the limelight.

As it always was with the Supervillain, it was a dizzying whirl of movement until it wasn't. The protagonist fell in with his rhythm, his hand warm and steady on the small of their back.

"I cannot understand how you and that woman are friends," he muttered, spinning the protagonist out and back into his arms again.

"I know you have... different values," the protagonist said breathlessly. It was a challenge, keeping up with Supervillain, but the protagonist had had a lot of practice. "I appreciate you respecting my relationship with her."

"Oh I get it," said their fiance with a swift dip backwards and back up that left the protagonist's head whirling. "This can get a bit intense. You need your civilian friend, I suppose."

He stepped to the left- and the protagonist was already there, to catch the sharp angles of his face in the palm of their hand.

"I'm serious," the protagonist whispered as they cut diagonally across the floor. "I'm proud of you, and not just for this. You don't just power through whatever is in your way anymore, heedless of the damage. You've made the choices to get us here and now this - now us - is possible. I love you so much for it."

"Hmph. Well," the Supervillain huffed. He recaptured the protagonist's wrist and turned them, but not before they'd seen his cheeks flush a pleased pink. "As somebody once suggested to me, sometimes self-restraint and patience really is the best way to get what I want."

The protagonist hummed happily. "Sounds like somebody very smart."

"Speaking of what I want..." The Supervillain spun the protagonist in close, breath hot against their ear. "Your father really did throw that damn power ring in the sea, didn't he?"

The protagonist laughed and shivered all at once. "Like I told you from the first time you kidnapped me. By the end, he didn't think superpowers on either side were doing the world much good."

"See, I can believe that he'd regret making such a powerful item, that he'd want to get rid of it," Supervillain said thoughtfully, running his thumb in a very distracting manner along the protagonist's jawline. "But I still can't believe he left you undefended."

The protagonist frowned. For a moment there was just the dance, and concentrating on matching the Supervillain's steps. Backwards. "I would've been a target either way," they said slowly, picking their words with care. "You think I would have been safe with it if I'd been able to fly or shoot lasers out my eyes? You think we would have ended up here?" The protagonist shook their head, rested their cheek on their fiance's shoulder. "Sometimes power doesn't solve the problem, it just escalates it. But," they added, "if this wedding business has all been another clever ruse to get me to talk, I can go-"

"Don't you dare," Supervillain said, tightening his grip. The protagonist chuckled and the two settled into a steady rotation around the floor, as the protagonist set a gentler pace.

"Tell me the truth though," the Supervillain murmured into the protagonist's hair. "What power would you have wished for?"

The protagonist closed their eyes and nestled closer. "I really don't know," they lied with a smile.

[soulmate-game]

Bio Dad Bruce Wayne Month 2020

Day 2: Father Daughter Bonding

Marinette had known her father was Bruce Wayne since she was thirteen, and the man showed up on her balcony one day in full bat-attire exactly one month after Hawkmoth appeared. He had apparently spent the whole month sorting through all of his magical contacts and trying to figure out who the heroes were so he could offer help—only to realize that the apparent leader of the duo of heroes was his biological daughter that he never met or told about his existence.

Okay, so the majority of the month was actually spent on him trying to figure out how to deal with the daughter he had never met becoming a superhero, even a leader of a team, without his assistance or influence whatsoever. But. Regardless. It ended up with him taking a Zeta tube at midnight in Gotham, and ending up on Marinette’s balcony as she got ready for school.

That was when Marinette learned about Bruce Wayne being both Batman and her biological father. After, of course, a brief heart attack at seeing a stranger outside her trap door.

But besides that short visit, Bruce had largely respected Marinette’s order request to stay out of Paris. He understood, after all he held a similar policy for metas in Gotham. Didn’t mean he was happy about leaving Marinette to deal with her supervillain without any reliable backup, but he stayed out of the city nonetheless.

But, there was Marinette’s lack of training to see to. She was not completely untrained, she knew at least two types of martial arts pretty well and her gymnastics ability was second only to Dick himself. But for a superhero? No, she needed a lot of teaching still. So Bruce had arranged for her to spend some holidays and a weekend or two that she could get away with over at Gotham (via Zeta tubes or other portal of course) for him and the other Bats to personally instruct her. Now, three annoying years later without any solid evidence to land Gabriel in the brig (though they all knew by then that he was definitely Hawkmoth), Marinette decided to switch things up.

She landed on a gargoyle’s head, on one of her rare patrols with Batman. She wasn’t Ladybug there, instead deciding to go by the simple name Rouge Wing, as both a play on her native language and the fact that red bats are considered lucky in China. She didn’t wear her Miraculous on these patrols, instead using the rare opportunity to develop her natural skills. And prove once and for all to her stupid brother that, yes, she could keep up with him. And, no, it didn’t matter if she didn’t grow up in a temple learning how to kill, she can still hang him upside down by his ankles if he upsets her one more time—.

Right. The gargoyle.

Batman landed on the rooftop behind her, raising an eyebrow under his cowl. “Don’t you usually make fun of me for perching like that?” He asked, crossing his arms. Robin landed on that same rooftop a moment later, choosing just to sit on the lip of the building and swing one leg lazily over the edge. He and Marinette tended to get along at least half the time nowadays, which Bruce considered An Accomplishment. Marinette only hummed, blue eyes hidden behind her red domino mask as she gazed over the dark city.

“I’ve just been thinking—“

“Nothing new there,” Robin interrupted. “Should I be on the lookout before you run into a wall again?”

Marinette tossed one of her batarangs at him, which he only had to duck to dodge. Sticking her tongue out like a Mature Teenager, she continued. “You guys do things really differently here in Gotham. Which makes sense, of course, because Gotham is a lot different than Paris. But…”

“But?” Batman prodded, deciding to sit on the rooftop and lean one arm on the lip of it so he could lean towards his blood children.

“But it’s been three years. You hardly ever get out of Gotham besides JL meetings or missions, Dad. And, well, if you promise to keep a handle on your emotions—“

Robin snorted, before realizing where this discussion was going. His eyes widened behind his mask in disbelief. “No way.”

Marinette glared at him half heartedly for a moment before completely turning around on her gargoyle and facing Batman. “We don’t see each other enough. And it’s not easy for me to come to Gotham all the time. So maybe, just this once, you can come to Paris and patrol with me? Next week, maybe?”

Bruce couldn’t talk for a moment, just staring at his daughter with his mouth slightly agape. Marinette had been very specific: no non-miraculous heroes in Paris. Period. Not him, not Robin, nobody, because she wasn’t sure she and her partner would be able to win against an Akumatized hero with years of experience.

Robin tossed a birdarang at Batman, which he dodged on instinct. “Well, he’s still alive,” he remarked to his sister. Rouge Wing had scooted closer somewhere during Batman’s shock, looking minorly concerned.

“What brought this on?” Bruce finally asked, making his daughter sigh in relief at the proof of his consciousness.

“Well, multiple reasons. For one, I know now that I am capable of at least restraining you until I have the chance to break an akumatized item, so there aren’t too many worries there anymore. And I only see you once every month if I’m lucky—“

“And her birthday is next week,” Robin supplied easily, smirking at the glare his sister sent him at that.

“Traitor,” Marinette grumbled, puffing out her cheeks a little. Considering the two of them were only a month apart in age, with Damian being the older of the two, it wasn’t unusual for Bruce to forget about one or the other. Summer birthdays in general were hard for him to remember, what with all the spring birthdays that he strained to keep up with.

“Oh, oh,” Bruce sighed, rubbing a hand over his cowl-covered forehead. “That’s right. I’m sorry, of course I’m more than happy to visit Paris next week. Maybe we can even do more than one day?”

Marinette relaxed, nodding. “That would be nice. Just, not in your civilian persona. Bruce Wayne is too recognizable, even in Paris, but a visit from Batman would be shrugged off as just us getting help. But, in order for everything to work, it would probably have to be a day patrol.”

Batman flinched a bit. That’s right— his daughter was a day hero. He wasn’t looking forward to patrolling in full daylight, but he owed her this at least.

“I’ll be there.”

—*—*—*—*—*

When Batman arrived on Marinette’s balcony (actually expected, this time), it was to see the poor girl covered head to toe in ribbons and balloons that all had some variation of “sweet sixteen,” “happy birthday,” and “16!” On them. She hadn’t even been able to transform yet, her Kwami just munching on a cupcake and giggling at her expense. She even had a party hat on her head, but judging by the way she was trying to wrestle it off it hadn’t been put on her head willingly.

“Need help?” Bruce asked when he entered her room, peeling his cowl back and grinning a little at the awkward sight she made. Marinette groaned, looking at him with the most pitiful expression ever.

“Please! Maman and Papan always like celebrating my birthday, and they’ve gone over the top a few times, but I think they went a bit…” she pulled at one of her pigtails, releasing a waterfall of glitter. “Crazy this year.”

Bruce chuckled, walking over and helping to untangle the various ribbons, streamers, and other celebratory restraints that had trapped the petite Parisian. Then, once she was completely untangled and only stubborn confetti and glitter remained, Bruce hung a small box to one of her pigtails by one of it’s bow-loops. She let out a surprised laugh, rolling her eyes at him before pulling it off and looking at it properly.

On a little white card it said: “Happy 16th, Marinette!” In Bruce’s handwriting. It was a small, black box with silver ribbon tied around it in a bow. Marinette couldn’t help but snort at the color choice, sending her dad a knowing look that he dutifully ignored. Carefully removing the bow and unwrapping it, she opened the box to see two little silver, bat-shaped hair pins. Carefully taking them out, she could feel that they were real metal, and surprisingly sharp.

“You can wear them however you want in your hair, to hold your bangs back or in your pigtails,” Brice decided to explain. “They have trackers in them—no, don’t give me that look. They only activate if you tap SOS on one of them. If you hold down the back of the clip, you can extend small blades if you ever need to cut yourself out of a trap or defend yourself.”

“You gave me mini batarangs for my hair,” Marinette teased, but immediately clipped them to her pigtails. “I love them. Ready for patrol?”

“Whenever you are,” he agreed before pulling his cowl back down.

One transformation and some travel later, and they were at the Eiffel Tower to plan their route.

“Obviously, Paris is too big for me to patrol the whole place on my own alongside school and Akumas,” Ladybug explained. “Even with Chat Noir’s help, it’s too big. So, just like you guys back in Gotham, we have routes that we rotate out. But the police here actually do their job and can handle most criminals, so our patrols follow a different logic than in Gotham.”

Batman nodded, holding his chin as he considered that. “That makes sense. Instead of focusing so much on the more crime-heavy parts of the city, especially since Hawkmoth hasn’t akumatized any criminals yet, it makes more sense to focus on areas around schools, tourist sites and other hotspots for recreation, and the general residential area.”

Marinette nodded. After talking a bit more about how she and Chat normally patrolled, and why, they actually hit the rooftops. It only took thirty minutes before Marinette had to intervene, grabbing Batman’s shoulder before he could punch a purse snatcher. The criminal in question, clutching a sparkly holographic purse in utter terror, couldn’t even muster the courage to run in the face of the famous Dark Knight. Ladybug glared at the older hero for a second before turning to the thief and shrugging with a lopsided smile.

“Sorry, he’s still not used to Parisian crime stopping. I’m reigning him in though, no worries,” she assured him. Just as the thief began to back away though, her yo-yo sprung out and wrapped him up head to toe, allowing Ladybug to grab the purse with a smile. “Thank you, I’ll take that. Remember Batman, minimal force. This isn’t Crime Alley.”

Batman grumbled. “It was just gonna be one punch,” as he zip tied the guy and dragged him to the corner for the police to pick up. Ladybug returned the purse.

“See? A daytime patrol isn’t that bad,” Ladybug remarked as she ran over the rooftops with Batman, deciding that sticking closer to her dad was more important than going as fast as possible. Batman grunted, but Ladybug saw his minuscule grin.

“I still prefer the night.”

“Only because you don’t stick out like a sore thumb at night,” she teased. And then the Akuma Alarm went off.

—*—*—*—*—*

Marinette panted as she lay sprawled over her bed, catching her breath. Bruce was slumped in her computer chair, cowl off and head curving over the top of the headrest. After a moment, Marinette spoke up;

“You look peaceful.”

“When I’m winded?” He cracked an eye open to shoot her a tired but still deadpan look. She snorted.

“No. With your eyes closed. And cheer up, it was only Gigantitan. Not anywhere near the worst we could have gotten.”

“I think you’re forgetting that I don’t have magic helping me out. Fighting giant children is not something I do often.”

“Oh please, you’ve fought way worse.”

“... that is true.”

“Dad?”

“Mmhmm?”

“Thanks.”

“Of course. Want to go back to Gotham with me and get ice cream before you have to be back for dinner?”

“Read my mind.”

—*—*—*—*—*

hi! Let me clarify something real quick guys. These one shots are for Bio Dad Bruce Wayne Month. Meaning, there are 30 prompts, one for each day of september. These one shots will NOT be connected unless previously stated! This one, as you could probably tell, has NOTHING to do with the story for Day 1. I’m just exploring a bunch of possibilities and letting my imagination run wild for these. Nonetheless, I will definitely tag you if you want. Thanks!

@momothefemur @ladybug-182 @starlightshield @trippingovermyfeet @greatcatblaze

[snowdice]

Popcorn and Podcasts (Part of the Cuffed Universe Series)

Fandom: Sanders Sides

Relationships: Logan/Remus/Virgil (a bit more Logan/Virgil focus)

Characters: Logan, Virgil, Remus

Summary: Logan has a little reunion with some people while doing his job at Target.

This is a Cuffed Universe fic.

Previous fics in this series:

Tea, Cookies, and Handcuffs

Matboards and Subway Sandwiches

Espionage and Iced Coffee

Extras:

Moving Day

Notes: Non-consensual drug use mentioned, morally grey Logan, cop Remus, fighting, biting, being restrained

Logan’s eyes scanned over the security camera footage. He knew this was just a Target and did not need perfect security, but…this was a horrible set up, honestly. He itched to fix it. He wanted to rewire camera 9 to get a clearer picture and to tilt camera 6 slightly to the left so there were fewer blind spots. There also really should be another camera by the food area and one near the computers if they wanted true coverage. Really, just one by the popcorn maker and another near the gaming shelf would completely… He shook himself. It was good that there wasn’t another camera near the gaming shelf. He wanted them to have a blind spot… even if the inadequacy made his eye twitch.

He checked his watch and turned to the laptop he’d brought. He’d have to wipe it after this because he was using the store’s wi-fi, but it was annoyingly slow anyway. At least he was only using it to track the hacked into correspondence about the drop. Nothing seemed to be amiss in the conversation there, so he turned back to the security cameras. Everything seemed fine, but he couldn’t help but be anxious about the blind spots made by their system. Perhaps he should do another walk around just to be sure. He already had enough popcorn to sustain him for a week from his last trip out, but perhaps he could get something to drink.

He glanced once again at his laptop before standing from the rolling chair and grabbing the security guard’s keys. This Target had extremely poor security. None of the minimum wage employees had questioned him being the new security guard in the last three days despite the fact that he had not been hired. He exited the security office and turned back to lock the door behind him. As he was doing so, a man opened the door to the employees only section of the store where the security guard office was located. Logan could see a red shirt out of the corner of his eye; it was likely an employee trying to get to the break room.

“Hey, dude,” the voice greeted mildly as he went to pass by. Logan turned on instinct at the sound of the very familiar voice. They locked eyes. “Lo-?” Virgil started, clearly surprised, but Logan jerked forward and shoved a hand over his mouth before he could finish. He made a muffled yelping noise and only Logan’s knowledge of the man’s 2am got-surprised-in-the-kitchen instincts kept Logan from getting a knee slammed into his groin. He swiped Virgil’s legs out from under him and rotated so that he was at the man’s back. His free arm came up to restrain him in a hug to keep his arms at his side.

An unhappy growling sound rumbled under Logan’s hand as Virgil jerked against the hold. Logan paused to think. After a couple of seconds, he made a decision and pulled back with his grip around his waist, causing him to lose his footing a bit. Teeth comped down on Logan’s palm. He winced, but it didn’t stop him from dragging the man back into the security office. He slammed the door closed behind him with his foot and then struggled to force Virgil into the chair Logan had been sitting in before.

Virgil was cursing him quite inventively by the time Logan managed to cuff both of his wrists to the armrests.

They stared at each other for a few long moments. Then Virgil kicked him.

It was a stupid endeavor considering he was restrained to a chair on wheels. The impact of the kick was rather gentle, and the man himself went flying across the office, almost toppling over backwards except that Logan lunged for him and managed to keep him from falling.

“That was a rather foolish venture.”

Virgil stared at him for a moment and then kicked him again. Logan winced as that kick hit a bit harder because Logan refused to let him go. Logan quickly turned him around and slammed the button with his foot to keep him from rolling anymore.

Logan rounded him, careful to stay out of kicking range and took a seat on the desk to look at him. “Hello Virgil,” Logan said. “It’s nice to see you again.” And it was. He had missed Virgil far more then he’d anticipated. He was not a stranger to leaving people behind, but it had taken much more effort to smother his melancholy over never seeing Virgil again than it usually did. Looking at him now, those smothered feelings came back, smarting far worse than the kick a couple of moments before.

“Seriously?” Virgil asked. “What the hell?! Why me?”

“I assure you this has nothing to do with you.”

“I still got tangled up in it again.”

“And I apologize for that, however you will have to stay here until I am through with my job.”

“What job?” Virgil asked. Logan just raised an eyebrow and refused to respond. “Why is the security guard office of Target your supervillain base anyway?”

“That does not concern you,” Logan said.

“It does if you’re going to handcuff me to a chair!”

Logan just hummed and turned back to glance at the security camera footage again.

He heard Virgil shifting around and testing his restraints behind him for a few minutes. “Please, Logan, just let me go,” he pleaded. “I won’t go to the police, I swear.” Logan picked up on a bit of a distressed Virgil tone. It should be easy to ignore. He didn’t need to make sure Virgil was content anymore. They didn’t live together, and Logan would face none of the future consequences of his discontent.

Logan blamed the fact that he turned around to face him on years of habit. He did not know what to blame for the way he felt his face soften when he looked at him. “I will be finished in about an hour, Virgil,” he said. “I just can’t have you interfering.”

“Yeah, and then after that are you going to leave me tied up here so I can hope someone happens to come by soon?”

Logan tilted his head at him. “You are upset about being left restrained last time.”

“Yeah, no shit.”

“You were never in any danger. The drug truly wasn’t harmful, and Remus was bound to wake up, and I would have sent an anonymous tip to the police station if I didn’t hear anything through police traffic within a few hours.”

“Yeah, well, I have anxiety,” Virgil shot back.

Logan blinked at him. “My apologizes for any undue distress.”

“You can stick your apologies up your ass, Logan or whoever the fuck you are.” His eyes looked hurt, and Logan felt a strong impulse to reach out and touch, but considering Logan was the source of said hurt, he doubted it’d be welcome.

“I will be sure to arrange your release by 5pm,” Logan said. He tapped on the digital clock on the desk. “There is no need to worry until then.”

Virgil just frowned at him.

“How about one of your podcast shows to pass the time,” Logan suggested. He minimized the window with the chat on the laptop so he could pull up the podcast application he’d installed. “I have been keeping up with that one about North American cryptids. It is still just illogical pseudoscience. I believe a new episode was set to come out today.” He scrolled down to the newest episode of the podcast. “It seems to be about the ‘Skunk Ape’.”

“I… you still listen to that?” Virgil asked. “You hated that show.” And he still did. He had just… found himself listening to it anyway, especially on days where he couldn’t sleep.

“You liked it,” Logan said. They stared at each other for a long moment. “S-so, it should afford you some measure of calm until you are released.”

“How kind of you,” Virgil said darkly. Logan looked away from him and pressed play on the podcast. Logan ended up feeding him some of the copious amounts of popcorn he’d gotten from the food area earlier, but other than that, they didn’t interact much. The silence was not nearly as companionable as it had once been, and Logan became hyperaware of the angry glares Virgil kept throwing him.

About three quarters of the way through the episode, Logan looked over at the security feeds and cursed. “How the hell?” he asked.

“What?” Virgil asked through a mouthful of popcorn. Logan had set the large bag of popcorn on a table next to Virgil and had apparently been too slow in his hand feeding, because Virgil had chosen to lean over and pick up a few pieces of popcorn himself with his mouth. It was not the first time he’d seen Virgil eat popcorn like a horse eating from a morral, and it was just as disgustingly adorable as always.

Logan reached over to wipe his buttery mouth off with the handkerchief he kept in his pocket even as he was distracted by Detective Remus Royal’s dumb face which had been caught on camera near the entrance. He watched as Remus walked up to the help desk and showed his badge to the woman standing there.

“Is that Remus?” Virgil asked.

“First name basis?” Logan inquired with a raised eyebrow.

“You left me handcuffed to a kitchen table with his drugged ass,” Virgil said dryly. “I think I’ve moved past using his last name and title.  Not to mention I got to know him pretty well because he spent a couple of months interrogating me while trying to find you… Oh. Is he here looking for you?”

Probably, and damn him for getting this close. The bastard has never gotten close. The one time he’d caught Logan had been a complete fluke because they happened to book a room at the same motel. “Dammit,” he hissed when after a few moments of talking, the woman at the front desk nodded and let him behind the desk so he could enter the employees only door…

Logan and Virgil locked eyes briefly and then Virgil opened his mouth, readying to scream. Logan jumped forward and stuck the handkerchief in his mouth. “Apologies,” he mumbled. Virgil very clearly did not forgive him. In fact, Logan would have to make this quick because Virgil was already working the handkerchief out of his mouth when there was a knock on the door.

Logan turned to the door and flung it open. Remus seemed surprised that the door had opened so quickly and then even more surprised when he managed to process Logan’s face. Logan grabbed him by the wrist and yanked him inside before he could react, using momentum to throw him to the ground and shove a knee into his back.

“Ow! Shit!” Remus said as Logan kicked the door closed again. “Oh no you don’t!” Remus yelped when Logan’s hand went for the handcuffs on his waist. He rolled, managing to throw Logan off, but Logan was on him again in the next moment. He kneeled on one of his wrists to keep it pinned, but the other was free. Remus aimed a punch at Logan’s face, but Logan managed to block it. The second time he tried to punch Logan, Logan ducked out of the way and grabbed his wrist. Remus tugged roughly, but Logan still managed to reach over with his other hand and grab the handcuffs of his waist. “Damn you,” Remus said, trying his hardest to wiggle away and bucking. Logan ended up throwing one knee over his stomach to keep him in place so he could snap one of the cuffs on his wrist and the other on the leg of the heavy desk.

They stared at each other for a few seconds. “You know,” Remus said and clicked his tongue. “If you wanted to be on top that badly, you could have just asked.”

Logan blinked at him. “I highly doubt being cordial about handcuffing you would have resulted in the desired position.”

A spit covered handkerchief fell on the top of Logan’s head the next moment as Virgil finally managed to work it all the way out with his tongue. “Life is a nightmare,” Virgil contributed.

Remus’s eyes flickered up to Virgil. “Hey, Virgil, what are you doing here?”

“He saw me while going to the employee breakroom,” Logan explained.

“Since when have you worked at Target?”

“Since you got me fired from my last job, you dick,” Virgil said.

“Right,” Remus said with a wince. “Sorry about that again.” He looked back at Logan. “Not that I’m complaining,” he drawled, “but are you planning on getting off of me any time soon?”

“Give me a moment,” Logan said. “I need to find something to do with your free hand.”

Remus gave him a wide smile. “…Well.”

“Don’t,” Virgil hissed. “Please, just don’t. Not in front of me at least.”

Logan looked up at him in confusion, but he just rolled his eyes, so Logan dismissed it as unimportant. He carefully got off Remus and stood. He cast his eyes around for something that would work as restraints.

“You could just leave that hand free,” Remus said, innocently. “I promise I’ll be good.”

He found an extension cord in a box in the back of the office. “Forgive me if I don’t believe you,” he said dryly.

Remus gave him an impressive pout, but Logan was unmoved. He walked over and started using the extension cord to secure Remus’s other arm to a different leg of the desk.

“So, what’s it today?” Remus asked. “Hacking into Target rewards accounts to steal data? Stealing a couple computers? Ooo! Are you going to go to the make a bomb out of cleaning supplies and blow us all up?”

Logan heard Virgil suck in a little breath and glared at Remus as he finished securing him the best he could to the desk. “Stop it,” he said with a frown. “You’re scaring Virgil.”

“Oh, I’m scaring Virgil?” Remus asked. “You kidnapped Virgil and tied him to a chair.”

Logan shrugged as he stood. “He was in the way.”

“Is this even real life?” Virgil asked. “What is going on?”

“I unfortunately cannot tell you Virgil as it would compromise what I am attempting to do, but I am not going to make a bomb or harm anyone here.” He glanced down at Remus who was already eying the extension cord for weaknesses. “Except perhaps him if he doesn’t behave.”

“What are you going to do?” he asked idly, “Spank me?”

Logan raised an eyebrow and poked him in the cheek with his foot. “Deviant.”

“Or step on me. Even better.”

“I said quit it,” complained Virgil.

Logan turned his attention back to his computer and found that everything was right on time. His target was already on the security camera in the electronics section. The drop off would be in 5 minutes and the pick-up was set to be 5 minutes after that. Logan had a rather small window. He quickly wiped the computer of everything except for the podcast app and then rewound the podcast episode back to a few minutes before where they’d been when Remus had interrupted. “I really must be going now,” Logan told them. He picked up his keys and stepped carefully around Remus. He glanced back at Virgil as he opened the office door, an odd feeling in his throat. “It was nice to see you again, Virgil.”

He shut the door on Remus’s complaints about not receiving a personal goodbye for himself.

Want to read more? The next installment is:

Rats, Pizza, and Supply Closets

[chaniters]

Only Human

___________________________ Starting a new series with @kruk-art‘s Awan Cormac!

Pre-Heartbreak, going to be focused on Ortega, Anathema and Steel along with some new heroes and Villains. 

The plot will deal with some events mentioned but not fully explored in the game.

Hope you enjoy!

____________________________

“CHARGE!” you cry with a sense of urgency.

“I KNOW!” he yells back at you.

Charge’s standing in the middle of the road trying to stop some car that could help, but there’s not a single one passing by. You keep your hands pressed over the man’s chest wound, where the bullet went in. Your gloves are completely smeared in blood by now.

“CHARGE, HE’S DYING!” you call again.

You feel your own chest burning like fire where you got hit. Unlike you, however, the man you’re trying to keep alive didn’t have a bulletproof suit.  

He suddenly approaches the car parked next to him and…

-CRASH!- goes the window. The alarm starts, but he takes to the driver seat and does something, jumpstarting the engine. He hurries back to you.

“Let’s put him in the back seat”

You nod and help him, still pressing on the wound. Perfect coordination by now. It’s like you had done this all your lives.

You stay at the back while he drives. Both hands on the wound. Rain starts falling, covering the windows, but you only have eyes for the outpour that you can actually do something about.

__________20 minutes later__________

Los Diablos Earthquake Memorial hospital.

You phase up and down the stairs, your brain still speeding at a hundred miles per hour analyzing how this mess started.

You just happened to catch out some loose thoughts from a source that tipped you about the people behind the abductions going to strike tonight. This gang didn’t seem too dangerous, so you simply called the Marshal, the two of you should have been more than enough after all. Abductions and kidnapings of boosted individuals are not as uncommon as the media would have everyone believe.

His powers weren’t even that interesting… super-enhanced visual spectrum. He used it to become a painter, and he wasn’t famous. Just a curiosity among local art collectors.

How could you have known they were going to go after an artist? Why? Two supervillains on him were more than overkill. And now he might die, because of what you didn’t know.

The Void escaped again, and to make matters worse, he teamed up with Psycopathor and his Vulcan Cannon. They had told you he liked oversized guns, but that thing was terrifying to see, especially used inside a city. It’s a miracle no one else got hurt.  

You weren’t ready for a half-hour duel at an art gallery with two heavyweights. But somehow, you pulled it off made Psycopathor fumble with a suggestion, and he got his own hand caught in the rotating gun while Ortega fell on The Void from above. That drove them out, but Void tried to shoot the hostage, to delay you from following. Just like last time with the bombs… Always an escape plan, that bastard.    

You still feel the sharp turns Ortega took driving here, while he passed every single red light, and you kept trying to make other drivers move away with your mind…

You helped to get him on a stretcher and Ortega got him inside with the paramedics, but that was as far as you dared go.  You stayed outside, it’s a hospital after all and you don’t enter hospitals. Besides, in this mindstate, there’s no guarantee your powers are not going to go off.

Your hand goes to your pocket, looking for anything to help your nerves. But there’s nothing. No candy, no chocolate, not a single popsicle.

“Shit,” you say holding your head.

Hyperventilating… deep breaths…

Inhale...

This isn’t how it was supposed to go. You were supposed to be the reliable one in getting intel. This mess is all your fault… you should have investigated further.

You take off half of your mask, uncover your mouth and nose close your eyes…

Exhale…

The hand on your back makes you jerk violently back into reality, striking blindly at whomever…

“Woah... relax! It’s just me!” He’s holding your fist in his palm. Marshall Charge. Not an enemy…

It takes a full two more seconds before you manage to order yourself to put the hand down. You didn’t even notice the static he emits this time.

“Well you’re a mess…” he states simply, with a half-smile.

You scoff and lean on the hospital’s old brick wall. If he wants you to say you’re sorry, he’ll have to wait a long time.

“Got you something” he adds, leaning by your side. A little too close, like he always does. Just enough to make you uncomfortable but not enough that you’d actually move away. He has mastered the thin line of awkwardness.

“And what’s that?” you ask besides yourself, still thinking on the wounded boost, probably in surgery now… probably dying.

“Here,” he says offering a candy-bar.

You see it, then look away, trying to force yourself not to take it… Don’t take candy from strangers. Isn’t that a thing?

But you hand moves on its own, your brain eschewing all logic in favor of sugar. Ortega would make a star pupil of Pavlov. It’s just not fair… he knows you can’t just say no to anything with enough glucose in it.

And thus the deal is sealed, you’ve taken his offering and are thus forced to let out a low-key embarrassed “Thanks”. He simply smiles, counting this as yet another victory against whatever he thinks he’s fighting against whenever he’s around you.

“That was a terrific job” He adds while you feel the wonderful crunchiness of chocolate and peanut in your mouth.

“What?” you say staring at him with your mouth full.  

“The way you handled that situation… It was fucked up from the star, and we still managed to hold our own against those freaks. And you rescued the hostage… I couldn’t have done that better. Hell, I don’t think Captain Glory could have done that better”

“Charge” you’ve forgone the use of the Marshal title a few weeks ago, You’re constantly working together these days and it’s just tiring “It definitely wasn’t a terrific job. I failed. I didn’t get enough intel, we went in blind, and the hostage got shot!” you add pointing out the obvious.

“Well he would be kidnapped and disappeared by now like the others, I mean, if we hadn’t been there, to save him”

“Well he’s not saved yet, is he?” you argue.

“Doctors says no vitals got hit. Just moderate blood loss thanks to you… They say surgery has very good chances with a transfusion. They were stopping the bleeding when I left”

“Captain Glory would have stopped the bullet”

“Well, we’re not really bulletproof like Captain Glory, are we? … and you still took two bullets for him. Did I mention how insane you are?” he says poking lightly at your chest, where the dents on your suit are clearly visible. The mere contact makes you wince and you slap his hand away. The suit stopped the bullets, but the bruises are there to stay. “That was dangerous. You can’t count on these to always work. Especially not if it’s The Void.”

“He used his handgun… and I’m going to blame you if it fails, you’re the one who gave it to me. Besides, what’s the point of bulletproof armor if you’re not going to use it?”

“Ever heard the concept of having a safety net?”

“I was that guy’s safety net. And I couldn’t stop the third bullet.”

He frowns “That one could have killed you”

You look to the side, avoiding his gaze. “You don’t get it”

“What is it that I don’t get?”

“I need to do better… I can’t screw up like this… you did your job keeping them busy, but I didn’t manage clean intel, and then I failed to get a clean escape. I failed! I was in Void’s mind and I couldn’t tell he was going to shoot the hostage!”

“You can’t control every detail! The guy’s going to be alright and thanking you. What more do you want? Sometimes shit happens!”

“Maybe shit happens on your watch, but that’s not how I do things! I can’t let myself screw up!”

“What the hell is wrong with you?!” he asks exasperated. “I’m just telling you, YOU DID A GOOD JOB!”

“I didn’t. Just…  Just shut up… you’re not the one who fucked this up after all.”

“I screwed up a lot! You think It always works alright for me?!”

“You don’t know what it’s like! I have to be perfect! I have to make up for...”

“Make up for what?!!” he interrupts. “For acting like a fucking hero? Taking bullets for someone you don’t even know?!”

Walking on thin ice. You can’t really answer that. And you’re too angry to answer anyways. Mostly with yourself. You raise your fists, almost ready to punch his infuriating face, but you know he’s not the one responsible. You just turn around. Turn and walk away. Channeling rage his way is wrong and you know it.

Your steps become faster, and faster, the stroll becomes a jog, and then you’re running… Running away from him, back to your base.

“You’re running again… Just what are you running from?” You hear his voice behind you, further and further away.

You’ve got no clear answer to that question.

Him? Your makers? Yourself? The truth?

Maybe all of the above.

It’s not something you ask yourself very often.

No one ever taught you how to stop running. No one taught you how to deal with failure either.

They only demanded perfection in everything you did, and your standards haven’t lowered since.

Being perfect is your only chance. The only way in which you can make up for not being one of them. The only way you could hope they might decide to forgive you, once they figure it all out.

__________________________

My Fanfics: https://chaniters.tumblr.com/post/181692759294/my-fanfiction-for-fallen-hero

DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fan fiction using characters and the setting of the Fallen Hero: Rebirth and upcoming Fallen Hero: Retribution games written by Malin Riden. I do not claim ownership of any characters from the Fallen Hero wold. These stories are a work of my imagination, and I do not ascribe them to the official story canon. These works are intended for entertainment outside the official storyline owned by the author. I am not profiting financially from the creation of these stories, and thank the author for her wonderful game/s, without which these works would not exist.

[theminecraftbee]

hello! regarding joe hill's just a guy energy: would that make him an ideal candidate for being the only human in an alien au? perhaps one of the "humans are weird" type? I've been asking myself for a while which hermit would be good as the odd one out and I'm curious to hear your opinion. :)

i sometimes see him as the one human and i think it's funny and do kind of approve. that being said i actually. am not that big into "humans are weird" type stories? to be clear i'm chill with their existence but i actually don't normally read them so i don't have like, strong opinions on this. i did have an idea for a fic (below the supervillain thing on the list) at one point that was joe being a human who met scar and cub, two fey, and managed to make friends with them while they were being menaces, and then later intentionally makes a deal with them and goes to the feywild and sort of fits in there surprisingly well. i don't know if that's the same vibes here AT ALL though that was while i was rotating joe and convex stuff. anyway yeah this seems like it's a thing that can work sometimes?

[theconservativebrief]

It’s taken 14 years, but Incredibles 2, the follow-up to the beloved 2004 Pixar superhero classic, is finally in theaters. And though all that time has passed for us, no time has passed for the Parr family, who pick up right where they left off, battling supervillains, struggling to find their place in a world that doesn’t always trust those with exceptional abilities, and squabbling with each other.

In those 14 years, too, Incredibles director and screenwriter Brad Bird has made his mark in other films, from the 2007 Pixar release Ratatouille to his two live-action films — 2011’s Mission: Impossible — Ghost Protocol and 2015’s Tomorrowland. That makes Incredibles 2 his return to animation after 11 years away. And since he’s one of the best animation directors ever (having also directed 1999’s The Iron Giant), it’s tremendously exciting.

Incredibles 2 is a lot of fun, but it also has a surprising number of things on its mind, including a continued wrestling with the role of people who have exceptional talents in a society that still needs everybody to take care of each other and not look out solely for their own self-interest. And yet it’s also a technical marvel — beautiful to look at, with terrific animation and wonderful designs.

So I sat down with Bird, as well as producers Nicole Grindle and John Walker, to talk about the new film — which they were still tweaking here and there when I chatted with them. (Before our interview, they were discussing whether to change one tiny detail before release.)

This interview has been lightly edited for length and clarity.

Todd VanDerWerff

So much of this movie seems like it’s going to put the characters at odds with each other, but you never quite end up doing that. How did you develop that story to build their divisions while still reaffirming their strength as a family?

Brad Bird

Well, they are against each other for a second.

Nicole Grindle

It’s true.

Brad Bird

I think one of the things that people respond to in these movies is that we represent people as having individuality, different ideas. They argue. They all have, I think, reasonable points of view. You understand the kids’ point of view is a little in conflict with the parents’. The parents have little conflicts with each other. They air out these things.

That’s the way my dinners used to be when I was growing up, and still are with my wife and boys, but when push comes to shove, we pull together. I think family doesn’t just mean a biological relationship. It means people that have your back and understand you and people you can be real with.

I think there’s something reassuring about having adversity, but that group, when that comes, pulling together. There’s something hopeful about it, and I think people like that.

Brad Bird (left), John Walker, and Nicole Grindle attend the premiere of Incredibles 2. Kevin Winter/Getty Images

Todd VanDerWerff

There’s some commentary about being enslaved by our screens in this movie that’s quite overt. At first I was like, well, are they talking about smartphones right now, but it does reflect the television paranoia that existed in the 1950s and ’60s. So we’ve been talking about this for —

Brad Bird

For a while.

Todd VanDerWerff

For, like, a century now.

Brad Bird

I don’t think it’s only bright, glowing screens. I think it’s something that can preoccupy you. They had a really cool thing in the Harry Potter books, the pensieve, where you stare at your own life but you don’t participate in it. I thought that was fascinating. That was kind of the same thing, and yet it was done in a way where it was more like a classic old tale.

It’s human. We benefit and are imprisoned by our own intellect. A lot of stories are dealing with the chasm between our intellect and our soul. The intellect helps us in many ways do amazing things, but it also keeps pointing us toward Armageddon or something that’s going to be bad for us or some way to misuse our power, so we’re constantly wrestling with what to do with our own brains.

Our soul is not keeping up with our brains, advancements in our soul. In one way or another we’re wrestling with these things, and have been in storytelling for thousands of years.

Todd VanDerWerff

The design of this film has such a sharpness to its angles and sort of a ’60s “new frontier” aesthetic. It’s present in the first film, but it seems even more heightened here. How did you develop that?

John Walker

I don’t think there’s any conscious decision to change the style from the first film. I think it may just be that we have the ability to render that stuff more vividly. We can do it more accurately to the designs. We couldn’t quite get there on the first one.

Nicole Grindle

We also have some really good character designers. We have Matt Nolte and Tony Fucile. Reprising that role in Matt Nolte and Deanna Marsigliese [a character and costume designer].

Brad Bird

You and Teddy Newton came in and did some guest jobs.

Nicole Grindle

Having all these great designers and the ability to execute on what they were putting out there in a way that we couldn’t on the first film was pretty awesome.

Todd VanDerWerff

The notion of animated characters acting is so important to a movie like this where they’re human and have to be recognizably human. How has this technology advanced from the first film to now, in terms of being able to get a nuanced performance from these characters?

Brad Bird

If we use the analogy of racecars, we have much faster, better, slicker cars, but they’re nothing without really great drivers. I think that’s even more important. On the first film, the models were the best we could do, and they were better than anyone else’s, but the animators still had to break the models in order to get them to do what they wanted to do.

There were things that looked horrible if you rotated them slightly, but if you put them back where the animators had them, they worked for that frame. The animators have a lot of input on how those controls work, so the more sophisticated the controls are, the better able [they] are to capture nuances that they couldn’t before.

We had better cars, and our drivers are more experienced.

John Walker

On the first film, he would give a note, and it might come back halfway done the next time, and it might take two more times before, “Okay. That’s it. Good to go.” This time, you give a note, it comes back sometimes the same day.

Brad Bird

And it would be perfect. Bam.

John Walker

Just, like, stunning.

Brad Bird

That’s just artistry. It helps that they have great tools, but great tools are nothing without great artists who play them.

Todd VanDerWerff

Brad, you worked on The Simpsons all those years, and they never aged. The Incredibles characters haven’t aged either. Animation does that so often. What is so interesting about being able to see characters at the same age in different time periods?

Nicole Grindle

It feels possible, for one thing.

Brad Bird

For me, it limits this concept. If they age up, then their powers are only superpowers. They don’t comment on the part of life that they’re in or their role within a family, and they just become powers, and to me that’s kind of boring.

Todd VanDerWerff

The first movie had so many great superhero one-off names, like Bomb Voyage. This one has even more. How much time do you guys spend kicking around one-off jokes?

Brad Bird

That’s an example of the kind of thing that I’d be stupid to close it off to my ideas. I come to the story guys and I go, “Here’s the basic idea. What do you guys think about …” and the walls get filled with all kinds of wacky things. We laugh and trade ideas, and people pitch things that have no chance in hell of ever being on the screen, and it’s a blast. That’s what makes films fun.

Todd VanDerWerff

Brad, you’re really interested in ideas of exceptionalism throughout all your films. Incredibles 2 is really interested in how we can be exceptional and still fit into a community and into a society. What thoughts were you having about some of those ideas when you were working on this story?

Brad Bird

Oftentimes I just go with, “This seems right, I’m going to go there.” I am told later the implications of what I’ve done.

John Walker

This is reverse-engineering, yeah.

Brad Bird

Yeah. I just kind of go, “That’d be cool.” You know? I bumble around in the dark, and when I find something that feels right, I go with it. I’d love to give you a very scholarly answer, but I just fumble around in the dark, and luckily, I have really talented people fumbling along with me.

Todd VanDerWerff

Do you notice some of those tendencies in yourself when you look back on your work? Even if it’s not this, do you notice other themes you’re interested in and like to explore?

Brad Bird

Kind of, but I’m sort of startled if I find something that is a variation of something I’ve done before. It’s never an intent. I don’t go, “You know, my style is this.” I just kind of go, “This would be great. I don’t like that. I’ll change it to this. Now I like it.” Later on, some sort of pattern emerges.

Hopefully, someday I’ll do a film that isn’t about that and surprise everybody.

Incredibles 2 is showing in theaters.

Original Source -> Brad Bird on returning to the world of Incredibles 14 years later

via The Conservative Brief

[badbackgroundscience]

Phake Physics, Old Norse (?) Edition

In Journey Into Mystery #97, following Thor’s story, Stan & Co. started telling their own versions of Norse myths. Despite taking that one Vikings class back during my undergraduate years - during which I’m sure we read at least some of the Prose/Poetic Edda - I am unqualified to offer significant commentary on how accurate these Marvelizations are. But this isn’t a blog about how mythology is portrayed in more modern media, so I really don’t have to.

I can, however, share how their version of scientific events line up with actual scientific theory.*

In issue #99, after Thor gets his identity stolen by a man who didn’t read the source material from which he takes his supervillain name, Odin gets to battle the fire demon Surtur. 

Surtur’s a recurring baddie in the Marvel ‘verse, and is even appearing in the upcoming Thor: Ragnarok (I’m avoiding all news about the movie, so I can’t tell you about how prominent his role is). All I know about his real-world counterpart (spelled Surtr) is that he’s got a flaming sword** and will set the entire Earth on fire during Ragnarök. He sounds great...

As Stan & Co. tell it, Surtur’s responsible for the existence of our moon. He wants to destroy the Earth (because it’s “the one thing Odin loves”) and apparently needs to do it from the inside out. As he digs a hole to the core, a giant blob of molten matter gets kicked out into space and decides to stick around.***

[Science Side Note: The continents didn’t look anything like what we’ve got in modern day back when the Moon formed. We’re not exactly sure how old the Moon is, but zircon crystals collected by Apollo 14 astronauts have been dated to 4.51 billion years old (Other estimates suggest the Moon is younger, like 4.3-4.4 billion years old). The oceans themselves - that is, liquid water on Earth’s surface - formed during the same eon of time as the Moon did, but again, it’s difficult to pin down an actual age. The oldest ‘rocks’ we’ve ever found on Earth are 4.4 billion-year-old zircon crystals, and analysis of their chemical makeup suggests they had formed in water on the planet’s surface. So, it could be that the Moon is older than any ocean, which would really make this panel wrong.

But if Jack doesn’t draw the Earth to look like Earth, how else will the reader know it’s Earth? Except for, you know, saying it’s Earth. And then making the reader learn at least about plate tectonics, a theory of which was pretty well established by the 1960′s. Probably too much to ask...]

Without a time machine to witness the event first-hand, we’ll never know with 100% certainty how our Moon formed. Even today there are debates. The ‘classic’ accepted model consists of a Mars-sized space rock dubbed Theia colliding with a then smaller proto-Earth, at a relatively low velocity. Some of Theia got incorporated into Earth, and bits of molten Earth that got knocked off along with the rest of Theia condensed into the Moon.

There’s a lot of evidence to support this hypothesis - it wouldn’t be one of the leading hypotheses, otherwise - but one thing it doesn’t explain is why the Moon is chemically nearly identical to the Earth. It’s not impossible for Theia to be chemically nearly identical to the Earth, but it is a stumbling block in terms of accepting this model. (There are other questions this Giant Impact Hypothesis fails to address, but we needn’t go into them, here.)

One alternate hypothesis - published in Nature back in January - suggests that the Earth could have been hit by multiple, smaller bodies. Each would kick some of the proto-Earth off into a debris disk orbiting the planet, and some of that debris would eventually condense into “moonlets”, which would spin outward to an appropriate distance and coalesce into our natural satellite.

An even newer hypothesis posits that a high-speed impact by a giant body vaporized most of the Earth’s material and formed a shape called a “synestia” (The article likens the shape to a red blood cell, but many news outlets went with ‘donut’), out of which the Moon could have condensed.

A synestia***** is mostly made up of vaporized rock - only very little bits in the middle either molten or solid - and doesn’t really have a definitive surface, like a gas giant wouldn’t. But its existence is fleeting; an Earth-sized synestia would cool and collapse in only some hundreds of years or so.

During that collapse, the paper authors suggest the Moon formed, though they leave the details for a future paper. Presumably, the vaporized, cooling, rock particles that clumped together to make our satellite had to have been far enough away from the center and traveling fast enough to not get reincorporated into the Earth, but not end up traveling so fast that they spin out of the neighborhood (and end up elsewhere in the Solar System) either.

The story also explains how the Earth started spinning: Odin drew forth “all the electro-magnetic particles of the cosmos” and the resulting force of them above our planet gave us rotation:

You know what’s the messenger particle of the electromagnetic force? 

The photon. 

So, Odin just took all the light from the universe and used it to spin the Earth.

[Note: I’m choosing to ignore that the writer has conflated rotation and revolution. Despite what the panel says, Odin is clearly making the Earth turn on its axis faster - not making the Earth go faster around the Sun.]

The Giant Impact Hypothesis actually helps explain the Earth’s rotation. Specifically that it’s as fast as is was/is. Upon forming via the collisions of a bunch of smaller protoplanetary bodies (called “planetesimals”), the Earth had some initial spin just due to the fact that the planetesimals each had some non-zero rotation. Their non-zero rotation came from whatever (even smaller) non-zero rotation all the dust particles in the Solar System’s protoplanetary disk had before they formed into sightly larger space rocks. (This harkens back to the old figure skater example: more distributed mass/arms extended = slower rotation, more concentrated mass/arms tucked in = faster rotation.)

But when Theia smashed into the Earth - whether it formed a synestia or not - it gave the Earth a huge boost. Older research gives a rotation rate of one per 5ish hours; other, newer, models suggest it could have been as fast as one every 2 hours. Tidal forces with our moon eventually slowed that rotation rate to our much more familiar 24-hour day. We’re continuing to slow, too, but not on a timescale that concerns us puny humans.

Photons do exert pressure on matter - I talked about it in reference to solar sails, before - so you could try to do some kind of calculation to figure out how many photons you’d need to spin the Earth up to its current rotation rate.`* 

To get the most bang for his buck, Odin would need to direct the photons to be striking the Earth at a different angle than the one depicted, though. Pointin’ ‘em right toward the core is the exact opposite thing you want to do to get the planet spinning.

But why does Odin want the Earth to spin? Why, to trap Surtur inside because of centrifugal force (of course)!

Centrifugal (i.e. “center-fleeing”) force is a so-called ‘pseudo-force’, because the force actually generated by the Earth spinning is centripetal (i.e. “center-seeking”). Centrifugal forces pop up if you’re in the ‘wrong’ reference frame. Classic example: tie a rock to the end of a long string and spin it around your head (Maybe check to make sure nothing breakable is in your vicinity, first). From your perspective, you can see that the only thing keeping the rock from flying off in a direction tangent to its circular path is the force from the string that keeps pulling it back (toward the center). But from the rock’s POV, it doesn’t observe that centripetal force. It ‘feels’ (as much as rocks can feel) an opposite, pushing force.

So while Surtur might feel a centrifugal force, it would have to be a centripetal force that was keeping him from escaping the planet. Except that the Earth rotates so slowly (Once per day!) that I can’t see how it’d be trapping the ruler of Muspelheim. I think he’d have a much greater problem with being gravitationally stuck to all the matter in the planet pulling itself into the shape of an oblate spheroid.

Also, is there anything actually inside the planet? Like, you know, a core (both inner and outer)? The mantle? Or is Surtur just a giant surprise in an Earth Kinder Egg? Because that’s definitely wrong...`**

I’ll end with a final note on where Earth really gets its heat source. You might be surprised to learn it’s not from a giant fire demon, after all. There are two sources, of roughly equal importance:

The energy left over from the Earth’s initial formation (aka “Primordial heat”)

The energy radiated out from unstable atoms as they undergo radioactive decay (aka “Radiogenic heat”)

The isotopes that we’ve measured as contributing most to radiogenic heating are Uranium-238, Thorium-232, and Potassium-40 (including their various radioactive daughter particles). However, those isotopes are mostly found in the mantle, not the core.

The total amount of power the Earth’s interior currently produces comes out to roughly 47 TeraWatts (~20 times humanity’s power consumption). This is necessarily less than what it was billions of years ago.`***

I like to think that Surtur’s just super radioactive, and therefore the source of all that radiogenic heat.

That’s a totally legitimate hypothesis, right?

* A theory in science is not “a(n educated) guess”. When someone says, “I’ve got a theory about how A Song of Ice and Fire is going to end”, they’re not using the word in the same way that scientists do, which can confuse many a nonscientist when it’s used concerning an actual scientific theory. (You’ll likely have “the theory of evolution” pop into your head before anything else because it’s a far more polarizing topic than, say, “the theory of gravity” or “atomic theory��.)

A scientific theory describes some quality of the natural world that has been substantiated through repeated scientific experiments - the use of the scientific method is a must. ‘Repeated’ is the key, here - a theory has to have gone through many tests, and is compiled from what is consistent across all those tests. It does not mean something that’s speculative/unproven. A theory can always be disproven, if legitimate research comes out to contradict it. But more often than not you’ll find that the contradictory research had some kind of flaw in it (e.g. back in 2011 when news stories claimed some research disproved Einstein’s Theory of Special Relativity because some neutrinos were recorded to have traveled faster than the speed of light. They didn’t - it was two separate equipment errors). Theories aren’t created/destroyed after only one or two experiments.

** What kind of fire sword we’re talking about, I can’t tell you without googling. Are we talking Thoros of Myr (i.e. the blade is on fire) or are we talking lightsaber (i.e. the blade is fire)?

*** I find this mildly amusing because the Moon actually improves life on Earth; its presence helps stabilize Earth’s precession. The angle our planet is tilted toward/away from the Sun (known as the “obliquity”)**** is currently, but not always, 23.5 degrees. Like a top whose...top...wobbles around pointing in various directions as it spin, the Earth’s does too. That’s precession. The wider the range of angles, the more extreme the summers and winters will be relative to one another. Mars’s obliquity, for example, is currently at 25 degrees, but can range between 0 and 60 degrees (over millions of years). Earth’s varies between 22.1 and 24.5 degrees (over 41,000 years); without the Moon, the range could increase by a factor of 10. It used to be thought that life would never have been able to develop without the climate-stabilizing presence of our moon, but that’s been called into question by more modern research.

**** Whether it’s toward or away depends on which hemisphere you’re in and what time of year it is. In your summer, it’s toward. At exactly two points in the Earth’s orbit (coinciding with spring and fall) it’s neither. 

***** The name derives from the Greek prefix for “together/connected” and Hestia, the Greek goddess of architecture.

`* The problem is left as an exercise to the reader... 

`** If a hollow Earth were spinning so fast that he’d actually be trapped, Surtur would have been flung to an edge and felt such a weight pressing on his body he’d be unable to lift a significant part of him, not randomly floating in the middle (where he’d easily escape by traveling along the axis of rotation and punch his way out the North Pole)

`*** This paper estimates radiogenic heat provided over 100 TW all by itself when the Earth was a baby.

Journey Into Mystery #99 - Writer: Stan Lee, Art: Jack Kirby

Photo Credits:

Artist rendition - protoplanetary collision By NASA/JPL-Caltech, Public Domain, 

Rufu et al 2017 doi:10.1038/ngeo2866

Synestia from https://www.ucdavis.edu/news/synestia-new-type-planetary-object/